Things on album covers that could successfully fight Tarkus

Let's talk Aguachile Alley

Postby BanEmAll Collective » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:22 am

dan wrote:Any soft flesh based ground organisms wouldn't stand a chance, don't even bother.
Flyers could potentially dodge the cannon indefinitely if they were nimble enough but could never hope to hurt the heavily armored back of Tarkus, though an attack on the the eyes could weaken it. I find it unlikely that getting blinded would do much to slow the Tarkus down, and would prove only to be a minor annoyance.
Your best bet is likely just a metal construct/being of equal or greater size who could avoid cannonfire and try to tip the Tarkus over. But it would not be easy


This is a good take.

Monster Movie god samurai could probably pick up Tarkus and throw him around but he so big he probably would get bored before Tarkus would just about face and keep fuckin up everything in his wake.
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Postby joe » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:23 am

whoa never saw the birth of tarkus art

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Postby BanEmAll Collective » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:28 am

fester wrote:He's on tank treads, just build a big ditch and he's fucked


A ditch? He’s the size of the dang Mall of America, bro
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Postby BanEmAll Collective » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:32 am

joe wrote:whoa never saw the birth of tarkus art

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Yes yes, manticore defeats Tarkus and Tarkus goes to the sea to become Aquatarkus and now everyone is fucked
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Postby fester » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:34 am

BanEmAll Collective wrote:
fester wrote:He's on tank treads, just build a big ditch and he's fucked


A ditch? He’s the size of the dang Mall of America, bro


I specified the ditch must be big
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Postby vivian darko » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:38 am

can we get a paraphrase of the sequence of events that occurs in those liner notes, some of us cannot read graphic narratives without panel borders
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Postby Honk For Dracula » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:40 am

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Postby BanEmAll Collective » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:41 am

A volcano gives birth to a big ol Tarkus egg. Tarkus hatches and ruins everyone that stands in his way. ELP’s mortal nemesis the manticore stabs Tarkus in the eye with his scorpion tale. Everyone think ELP’s finest mech is finished, but he really just goes to the sea and becomes Aquatarkus who is triumphant over the manticore theme in the final track.
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Postby fester » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:42 am

This song describes the story of a war machine called Tarkus (a mixture between an armadillo and a tank). This creature emerges from an egg that is beside a volcanic crater that is making an eruption. Then a cybernetic creature that looks like a futuristic station, this creature is destroyed by Tarkus' turrets. After that comes a creature called Iconoclast, that is a mixture between pterodactyl and a war airplane. This creature battles, but can't compare to Tarkus and loses the battle.

Another creature appears named Mass (a mixture of lizard, lobster and a rocket launcher), and after a battle Mass loses the battle and Tarkus continues his bloody adventure. After three victories Tarkus faces a mythological creature called Manticore (this creature has a human face, lion's body and scorpion's tail). Tarkus faces Manticore and is stung in his eye. Manticore forces Tarkus to go back, and Manticore defeats Tarkus, whose body falls down to a river. But though Tarkus seems to be dead you can't be sure because his turrets are not damaged.
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Postby BanEmAll Collective » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:43 am

fester wrote:
BanEmAll Collective wrote:
fester wrote:He's on tank treads, just build a big ditch and he's fucked


A ditch? He’s the size of the dang Mall of America, bro


I specified the ditch must be big


What are you gonna dig? The Grand Canyon? Don’t think Tarkus is gonna find out about your little terraforming project?
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Postby Jefferson Zeppelin » Wed Jan 26, 2022 12:59 am

incredible thread
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Postby Jefferson Zeppelin » Wed Jan 26, 2022 1:00 am

we must establish air superiority

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Postby Tar Pit » Wed Jan 26, 2022 1:13 am

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Postby hoopdog » Wed Jan 26, 2022 1:20 am

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Postby spix et chicho » Wed Jan 26, 2022 1:25 am

loaf angel wrote:Image


absolutely not. this gorilla is simply too sad and too preoccupied eating cake and books to fight tarkus.
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Postby fester » Wed Jan 26, 2022 3:50 am

BanEmAll Collective wrote:
fester wrote:
BanEmAll Collective wrote:
fester wrote:He's on tank treads, just build a big ditch and he's fucked


A ditch? He’s the size of the dang Mall of America, bro


I specified the ditch must be big


What are you gonna dig? The Grand Canyon? Don’t think Tarkus is gonna find out about your little terraforming project?


This is a good point and maybe the best plan is to cover the grand canyon with brush, then have a sexy lady Tarkus on the other side to bait him into it.
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Postby endoskeleton » Wed Jan 26, 2022 4:31 am

fester wrote:
scramble wrote:Image


Is this Son of Tarkus?

in any case i believe it's written that only the son of tarkus can kill tarkus
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Postby beardhurts » Wed Jan 26, 2022 5:10 am

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Postby BanEmAll Collective » Wed Jan 26, 2022 5:53 am

fester wrote:
BanEmAll Collective wrote:
fester wrote:
BanEmAll Collective wrote:
fester wrote:He's on tank treads, just build a big ditch and he's fucked


A ditch? He’s the size of the dang Mall of America, bro


I specified the ditch must be big


What are you gonna dig? The Grand Canyon? Don’t think Tarkus is gonna find out about your little terraforming project?


This is a good point and maybe the best plan is to cover the grand canyon with brush, then have a sexy lady Tarkus on the other side to bait him into it.


Gosh dang it, Fester, now there’s two Tarkuses!
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Postby jubjub » Wed Jan 26, 2022 6:17 am

These dudes out here saving the collateral damage
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Postby Jefferson Zeppelin » Wed Jan 26, 2022 8:09 am

Tarkus shall not kill Tarkus
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Postby Jeremy » Wed Jan 26, 2022 9:17 am

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Postby Gnarls » Wed Jan 26, 2022 9:23 am

I think with his aww shucks attitude and tweed camouflage, Larry Lee on the cover of Marooned has enough guile to defeat the machine

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Postby Mesh » Wed Jan 26, 2022 10:37 am

Gnarls wrote:I think with his aww shucks attitude and tweed camouflage, Larry Lee on the cover of Marooned has enough guile to defeat the machine

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Like 5 Nilsson album covers could house this poseur.
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Postby Gnarls » Wed Jan 26, 2022 10:43 am

Wrong! These lyrics from the title track describe everyone else's reaction to Tarkus vs. Larry's:

people run around as if they've lost their heads

everybody's headed for a ledge

but I don't feel it

not the way I guess they do

it feel so good to be marooned

to be marooned


Eventually the treads wear out and the beast sees one last thing before it dies

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Postby BanEmAll Collective » Wed Jan 26, 2022 10:56 am

If Larry tried to fight Tarkus, he wouldn’t just be marooned, he’d be a moron, and even more ran over.
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Postby wakeman » Wed Jan 26, 2022 11:12 am

Tarkus vs Tarkus

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Postby Gnarls » Wed Jan 26, 2022 11:12 am

OK so if Tarkus survives Larry Lee, then what happens when he charges full speed at the disappearing Lenny LeBlanc?

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I doubt Tarkus would "Breakthrough" that wall as Lenny would say...
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Postby Jefferson Zeppelin » Wed Jan 26, 2022 10:35 pm

bump
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Postby kitten with a whip » Wed Jan 26, 2022 10:43 pm

no one has stumbled upon what is clearly the obvious answer here ...

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