Sobriety

Let's talk Aguachile Alley

Postby i feel fine » Tue Jul 19, 2022 11:42 pm

don't want to hear other people's stories about alcoholism. it makes me want to drink more
A I R
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Postby folkface » Wed Jul 20, 2022 7:29 am

Every meeting i've been too has been subtly religious and the lords prayer is a huge part of the process. While yes they say that your higher power can be anything, it's clearly a religious based group. Also as an addict and not an alcoholic I have a a hard time relating with a lot of the people I've encountered in the groups. Some of the other groups like SMART recovery do things a little differently and keep the "higher power" stuff out of it but it's just not as widespread as AA. Just my 2 cents.
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Postby blog stat » Wed Jul 20, 2022 7:18 pm

i didnt drink last night for the first time in months i drink about 8 ipas a day i sweated it out last night and its wild how much more of a human i felt like today also i didnt look like absolute shit

hate it

def attempting to dial it back
def gonna try to
PMA ALL DAY
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Postby Bisexual Lightning » Wed Jul 20, 2022 9:30 pm

<3
The UC Berkeley expert I spoke with described your approach to boarding -- posting things without knowing whether they’re true in order to juice engagement -- as “sociopathic.” Do you have a response to that?
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Postby big zorb » Wed Jul 20, 2022 9:48 pm

that's pretty cool, bs! daps to you man.

as for aa, i think it's a number of things. every meeting is different for sure but, in des moines at least, even the "hip meetings" are definitely christian. i don't particularly care when i go--that's not why i'm there so no skin off my back--but i guess if you have negative associations that could be part of it.

a second thing i think is that sometimes people are not ready to quit yet, and aa is very, very good at a) knowing from experience what will work and b) very eager to tell you that. for some people, the advice to completely change your life or w/e--what pop trunk outlined above--is pretty daunting when they might want to get sober but not yet be ready for it. i get that. it is pretty shocking when you completely upend your life, even if obviously good things come of it.

the third thing...there is a certainty to aa's conclusions that i sometimes am not particularly interested in. if your goal is to not drink, you should go to aa meetings, because they are extremely, incredibly good at helping you not drink. and i think that is a deeply powerful tool. but sometimes i need to figure out some aspect of why i drank, the root problem, what was happening in my life then, and i tend to find the answers aa wants to give you for those reasons pretty unsatisfying and, frankly, pretty bad at parsing nuance in a way that i need for resolution or closure. that's not really even a knock on aa; the goal of aa is to not drink.

i personally only go to meetings when i feel like i could slip up that day, because i know that if i go to a meeting i won't. and that is an unreal tool to have in your toolbox. but i think there are some reasons why someone might not fit with aa. my mom is a really black and white alcoholic (and emotionally black and white person in general) and she has no interest, really, in investigating why she felt so drawn to try and obliterate her mind with the substance. she just wanted not to do it anymore. she's like the ideal aa member (and is killing it with sobriety). but as someone whose brain isn't wired that way, when i'm looking for a bit of contemplation, aa is not the place for me.
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Postby ruiner » Thu Jul 21, 2022 7:12 am

big zorb wrote:that's pretty cool, bs! daps to you man.

as for aa, i think it's a number of things. every meeting is different for sure but, in des moines at least, even the "hip meetings" are definitely christian. i don't particularly care when i go--that's not why i'm there so no skin off my back--but i guess if you have negative associations that could be part of it.

a second thing i think is that sometimes people are not ready to quit yet, and aa is very, very good at a) knowing from experience what will work and b) very eager to tell you that. for some people, the advice to completely change your life or w/e--what pop trunk outlined above--is pretty daunting when they might want to get sober but not yet be ready for it. i get that. it is pretty shocking when you completely upend your life, even if obviously good things come of it.

the third thing...there is a certainty to aa's conclusions that i sometimes am not particularly interested in. if your goal is to not drink, you should go to aa meetings, because they are extremely, incredibly good at helping you not drink. and i think that is a deeply powerful tool. but sometimes i need to figure out some aspect of why i drank, the root problem, what was happening in my life then, and i tend to find the answers aa wants to give you for those reasons pretty unsatisfying and, frankly, pretty bad at parsing nuance in a way that i need for resolution or closure. that's not really even a knock on aa; the goal of aa is to not drink.

i personally only go to meetings when i feel like i could slip up that day, because i know that if i go to a meeting i won't. and that is an unreal tool to have in your toolbox. but i think there are some reasons why someone might not fit with aa. my mom is a really black and white alcoholic (and emotionally black and white person in general) and she has no interest, really, in investigating why she felt so drawn to try and obliterate her mind with the substance. she just wanted not to do it anymore. she's like the ideal aa member (and is killing it with sobriety). but as someone whose brain isn't wired that way, when i'm looking for a bit of contemplation, aa is not the place for me.

as someone who got a lot of good out of aa, it helped massively as a structure more than an ideology and it stopped me from doing The Thing That Killed Me, this post is spot on

haven't been to meetings since covid really took hold, but it's good to know the places i was welcomed and helped by a lot of other people who had suffered/were suffering are still available if i'm ever in need

but also it's easy for me as a cis white male to do that. aa is absolutely still kind of a old boys club, from the literature to a lot of the attendees and that's not even getting into the predatory assholes and the brain-fried weirdos looking for a place to sow chaos. it's absolutely intimidating, even in larger cities

so i understand how that and the religious part turn people off. it's not an easy sell, especially to a drunk. but it saved me so i don't know.

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Postby brittle » Thu Jul 21, 2022 7:31 am

Yeah it took a hardened atheist encouraging me to go, or I don't think I ever would have been able to bring myself to it. He was sober for 3 years and told me to forget about the higher power stuff altogether — that I could still make it work for me. He reminded me that it's like 100 year old organization, so the religion and the gender politics and a lot of other things don't really vibe with the modern world but the underlying structure is still helpful. When I was asked about it, I told them I didn't believe in God and I never would believe in God and I hoped that I could figure out a way to square that with the process, but it wasn't something I was going to compromise on.

That said, I did kind of come away after a few weeks of meetings, with the idea that honesty and goodness was in a sense my higher power. They made me feel better than drinking did, but I was also desperately missing them after 15 years of hard drinking.

But even though i definitely bristled at the religion, the main hangup was just this general stigma about the meetings themselves, and the people I thought went to those meetings, based on television and movies. Even when they're portrayed in a good light, AA just always seemed so fucking depressing, and all the attendees just seems so pathetic. I just didn't want to think of myself in that light. So I was really relieved to get there and see a room full or normal-ass people. Just regular moms and dads and college kids and construction workers and salesmen. We just all had the same fucked up obsession with alcohol and need to work together to live without it.

And sure enough, unlike what I saw on TV, it was just nice and kind and actually very moving from my first meeting. It wasn't dark and depressing and smoky. It was nice, and light. Inspiring and encouraging. It saved my life.
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Postby papi chulo » Thu Jul 21, 2022 8:20 am

today is 5 years
History is the reason
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Postby papi chulo » Thu Jul 21, 2022 8:35 am

i've been to a lot of AA meetings in the last 5 years, plenty before I got sober too. never did the steps or read the big book, I was an extremely hard drinker and getting sober itself was really a miracle, so the 90 meetings in 90 days mantra after rehab really just turned in to a deep love and appreciation for THE ROOMS that's pretty much lifelong. I have been looking forward to this anniversary for so long, because one of the most amazing things about AA are anniversary meetings. The NYU (Now You Understand) anniversary meeting I probably went to on accident, because I did outpatient around the corner from the meeting for months after rehab, and it's just an amazing meeting where like 200 people are crammed in to this room and each person gets 2 minutes and it goes from 90 days to however many years and it's always such an insane turnout that there's people at every stage going up for anniversaries. and the crowd is so hyped, it's really honestly very sick. anniversary meetings are every month. i'm doing my 5 year 2 minute speech next tuesday. 2 minutes baby. i love it.
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Postby papi chulo » Thu Jul 21, 2022 8:39 am

History is the reason
I'm washed up
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Postby videodrome » Thu Jul 21, 2022 10:33 am

75 days without booze, healthy amount of weight lost. Feeling fine.
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Postby Organic Croutons » Thu Jul 21, 2022 10:50 am

Brittle are you in nyc? I feel like maybe I know you. Or at any rate what you quoted is precisely the way I try to bring up AA to skeptics.
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Postby Organic Croutons » Thu Jul 21, 2022 10:51 am

papi chulo wrote:today is 5 years


Congrats!!! Beast.

My 5 years is in about 2 weeks knock on wood
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Postby Jerry Lundegaard » Thu Jul 21, 2022 11:04 am

hell yeah y'all, i'm six years on Sunday, I think
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Postby big zorb » Thu Jul 21, 2022 11:09 am

Damn! Long kings itt. Congrats all. Truly inspiring to read.
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Postby papi chulo » Thu Jul 21, 2022 11:16 am

hell yeah, congrats yall and thanks!

seems like summertime is the right time for getting on the wagon 8-)
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Postby brittle » Fri Jul 22, 2022 12:49 pm

Organic Croutons, not me, I don't live in NY, but I did spend a few weeks out there in 2010 or so where I likely went to every single bar in the city, so maybe that's why i seem familiar.

and Areis, I just saw your posts. Please keep coming by-- I've gotten sloppy with PMing people about recovery stuff because I don't have the time to spend on the board I used to and felt like I was leaving some people high and dry, and it's a pretty awful feeling, so I stopped reaching out.

but this thread is really good and supportive, even without one on one advice.
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Postby videodrome » Wed Jul 27, 2022 12:45 am

80 days. I can fit into my size 30 Levi’s 501s again.

Image
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Postby bort » Sat Jul 30, 2022 8:20 pm

Congrats to all on this page! Tonight was the first time in like a year where I had to bail on friends because I was feeling weird. I’ve been totally fine in bars, breweries etc. when we end up there. Haven’t had a problem since I hit a year. But tonight it just felt off when everyone said they were heading to one of my old haunts. I’m usually OK playing pool and never felt tempted or anything when I’ve gone since I got sober. But I dunno. Now I feel ashamed that I felt like I could slip. And embarrassed that I had to tell my friends I couldn’t go to a bar with them because “oh… well you know…”

And now I feel bummed at home. But it could be way worse I guess!
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Postby Locke » Sat Jul 30, 2022 8:45 pm

knowing that you can control your surroundings is super important. it's worth being bummed once in a while.
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Postby Locke » Sat Jul 30, 2022 8:45 pm

plus you can board really hard
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Postby Bisexual Lightning » Sat Jul 30, 2022 8:46 pm

bort - good for you for recognizing that and reacting to it even if it bums you out a little tonight!!
The UC Berkeley expert I spoke with described your approach to boarding -- posting things without knowing whether they’re true in order to juice engagement -- as “sociopathic.” Do you have a response to that?
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Postby Aeris » Fri Aug 05, 2022 4:50 pm

I haven't since Tuesday

This is a long time for me

Too short to celebrate but
It's something


No benzos either
If I die I die
Last edited by Aeris on Fri Aug 05, 2022 5:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby brittle » Fri Aug 05, 2022 5:04 pm

aeris, are you trying to quit, or are you just seeing how long you can go?

or something in between?
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Postby Aeris » Fri Aug 05, 2022 5:13 pm

Uhhh
Completely quit I hope
Not realistic probably
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Postby The Priest » Fri Aug 05, 2022 5:15 pm

Hell yeah
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Postby The Priest » Fri Aug 05, 2022 5:16 pm

The last few months I've been doing this dumb physical "chain" type check-in that's helped more than it should

Not just for drinking but for not eating shit, spending money and for exercise
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Postby The Priest » Fri Aug 05, 2022 5:19 pm

Image

This month so far

Last month I threw money away on shit I didn't need three days

I drank five days

I exercised 23 days

Ate bad food 8 days

It's nice to fill in the green and if I'm going well I don't even feel bad about a spare red across the board now and again
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Postby The Priest » Fri Aug 05, 2022 5:19 pm

Famously misattributed to Sir Jerry Seinfeld, the chain can be a nice mental thing
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Postby The Priest » Fri Aug 05, 2022 5:20 pm

Bad boys love a healthy, thrifty life
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